Some People have Demons - I have Zombies

It's been a month since I celebrated the New Year reveling in the madness of the Holidays. I have begun to have flashes of flesh-hungry zombies furtively roaming in my personal space. Could it be the lack of sun, the continuous pummeling of credit card bills or just the crash after the holiday burn? Whatever the cause, I am begging, no imploring the gods to MAKE IT STOP!!

Telemarketers are calling and instead of giving me their boring spiel, all I hear is guttural sounds wounding my ear. I just want to run and hide, lock my doors and scream at the top of my lungs. I was at the grocery store yesterday and this huge, smelly zombie groped his way to the front of the line. I think there was sheer terror on the face of the check out lady. Maybe she sees them too. My first instinct was to run and hide, but I held my place in line trying to appear normal, not really knowing what normal is lately. Even work is freaking me out. Is that flesh eating bacteria or is that a big ol' zombie bite!? Is that a stab wound or is it a gash from a black saliva covered, rotting incisor? I just follow protocol constantly checking to see if the zombie staff is watching me, waiting for me to screw up so they can rip me apart from stem to stem. Paranoia or cautious awareness, I can't decide, but I am sure it is associated with the Holidays. It is just not normal to have so much fun for a couple of months without having to pay the Zombie piper.

The mailman lumbers slowly (my imagination can't comprehend the newer, faster zombies), his flesh peeling from his face, his eyes staring into space as he packs my mailbox with unwanted bills. Surely he has delivered the entire neighborhood's credit card statements to me! It's a zombie conspiracy!! I am sure they had a meeting New Year's Day and elected me as their unwilling victim, a sacrificial human perhaps.. Why oh why am I so lucky to win this honor when I can't even win the Pick Three lottery? Please, oh please have mercy upon my soul. I am so tired, feeling much like a… zombie!? Oh no, this can't be happening!

In Texas, we don't do well for any length of time without sun. It is just the way we are. We curse it, we damn it after six months of it blazing down on us, but we can't survive without it. It has been cloudy and rainy for 6 weeks now, like it is sometimes this time of year. The darkness brings on so many zombies and I am so tired of fighting them; I hear there are fewer zombies up in the Pacific Northwest. I will be heading there in a couple of months. Maybe, just maybe they won't find me there if I cover my trail. Until then, get back you heinous fiends! Keep your distance. Zombies be damned!

Note: I have purposely postponed watching 30 Days of Night (my apologies to Steve Niles and Co.) until the summer when the theater becomes a refuge from excessive daylight. Perhaps by then the Post Holiday Zombies will only be a faded memory.